All Psyched Up: Disappointments

By Linda Hancock on April 13, 2024.

We all have had hopes and dreams at times that did not come true, leaving us with sadness and disillusionment. I remember some wise words of Kate Hammett-Vaughan, Juno award nominee who was giving me voice lessons in Vancouver a few years ago. She said, “We are never disappointed unless we have expectations. How true!

Often, when I am disappointed, I ask myself several questions to help me put things into perspective;

1. Was I being unrealistic by expecting this? There is an old expression that states: “If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride”. Sometimes we might want something to happen without being willing to do the work or invest in order for it to happen. Maybe we just thought that another person or persons should read our minds and do things the way we think they should be done without considering their viewpoint.

2. Could this have protected me from something that I didn’t see or know about? I remember spending hours in my car outside the University of Regina Campus in Saskatoon to ensure that I would be able to register for a specific course in my Social Work program. The person in line ahead of me the following morning took the last available spot! I was devastated! Two weeks later I was offered a place in that course but had just found out that the professor was a horrible first-time teacher. Because of this, several students had dropped out of the class. Lesson learned.

3. Did I do something that caused a negative result? A bad attitude, shoddy work or giving up too soon can quickly destroy possibilities for success.

4. Is there a lesson to be learned from this experience? Often when strange things happened to me, I would be confused. Even stranger was when, a few days later, someone would come to me for advice about exactly the same problem. I was only a couple of steps ahead of them but had the benefit of a little advanced forethought.

5. What can I do as a result of this situation? Is there a way to start a new project or create a different dream? Can I rebuild trust for and of others? Will I apologize with grace or reach out to comfort others who were also disappointed? Perhaps I can share my experience with others (like writing a newspaper article about disappointment).

6. Will this situation make me better or bitter? Ancient scriptures remind us that we should be thankful for our troubles for difficulties lead to perseverance and perseverance develops character (my paraphrase). None of us readily welcomes trouble and it often takes a long time to get to a point where we are thankful that difficulties entered our lives. In time, however, with openness and honesty, we can see how we are strengthened by the challenges of life.

Have an interesting week – no matter what happens. Remember, both good and bad experiences build character!

Dr. Linda Hancock, the author of “Life is An Adventure…every step of the way” and “Open for Business Success” is a Registered Psychologist who has a private practice in Medicine Hat. She can be reached at 403-529-6877 or through email office@drlindahancock.com

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