Mental Wellness Matters: Kindness costs nothing, give it a try

By EMILY NEIGUM-WITZKE on January 27, 2023.

Today marks National Compliment Day, it costs nothing to be kind. A compliment is a way to instantly brighten another’s mood, experience of a situation, and flip a day around. Offering a compliment can de-escalate others when tensions are heightened. Offering a small dose of sunshine can take away the rain clouds.

Let’s discuss what compliments are: Compliments are defined as an “expression of praise, commendation, or admiration: A sincere compliment boost to one’s morale,” (Dictionary.com, 2023).

In order to compliment others, you must learn how to compliment yourself. Self-compassion, love and empathy are a stepping stone to complimenting yourself, then others. The power of saying things out loud will actively change behavioural patterns and neural pathways in the brain to create change longer-term. Some say speaking to plants positively encourages them to flourish, speaking positively to oneself encourages self-growth, increases in self-esteem and confidence.

Taking actions to treat oneself with kindness, grace, and compassion are important, this creates a stable and secure base for us to continue growing and to offer energy toward others. Doweiko (2011) discusses the importance of altering these thought patterns as “neurons that fire together, wire together” (p. 180). Studies have proven the most positive reinforcements offered to oneself, the healthier one’s mental and physical health is.

Susan Krauss Whitbourne PhD, ABPP, discusses the different types of compliments and how they may be received by others (Psychology Today, 2013). The nine types of compliments are; the ambiguous, the too-frequent, the inappropriate, the envious, the awkward, the compliment that’s on the wrong set of qualities, the unintentionally rude, the sales pitch, and the right compliment (Krauss Whitbourne, S., 2013).

Let’s talk about the compliments that’s focused on the wrong set of qualities and what a ‘right compliment’ looks like. When giving a compliment that is not related to the topic, the individual may be thrown off their groove and this develops in to self-defeating and self-doubting thoughts and actions such as withdrawing from social engagements, lack of trust in themselves and awkward situations. Susan Krauss Whitbourne (2013) states this wonderfully, “If you compliment people based on their appearance when, in fact, they would prefer to be complimented on their performance, this reinforces the notion that their performance is not valued and they may doubt their own abilities,” (Psychology Today: Fulfillment at Any Age).

We know all compliments may be well-intended, but they can cause harm if delivered poorly. There is no ‘one right compliment’ for every single person, all reactions and perceptions will be different, we are human after all. Think before you speak, because compliments alter the brain.

Some compliments to try for yourself and others:

• Your light up the room. You’re a candle in the darkness.

• Your energy is calming/soothing.

• I appreciate your perspective; it is a breath of fresh air.

• You bring out the best in others.

• You have the best laugh.

• You’re all that and a super-size bag of chips.

• I’m inspired by you.

• You help me be the best version of myself.

• That thing you don’t like about yourself is what makes you so interesting.

• You’re better than a triple-scoop ice cream cone. With sprinkles.

• If you were a box of crayons, you’d be the giant name-brand one with the built-in sharpener.

• You’re more fun than bubble wrap.

• Somehow you make time stop and fly at the same time.

Make yourself or someone else smile today with a genuine compliment, you may change the course of their day. I challenge you to offer a piece of sunshine to another today, but do not forget to offer yourself sunshine too.

EmJ/Emily Neigum-Witzke RSW, BHSc., is a CARe Team (Community Assisted REsponse Team) Support Worker at Canadian Mental Health Association, Alberta Southeast Region and can be reached at 403-504-1811 ex. 108. To find out more about CMHA programs and/or events visit http://www.cmha-aser.ca. If you are in crisis, call 911 or the Distress Centre at (403) 1-800-784-2433.

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