By the Way: Two ears, one mouth

By REV. JEFF DECELLE on March 25, 2022.

There’s that old saying that we have two ears and only one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak. We tend to think conversation is mostly about the speaking part, and we don’t consider much about the listening. More often than I care to admit, I spend time in a conversation thinking about what I’m going to say next, or I finish my conversation partner’s thought because I just want them to get to the point, or I distractedly glance at my phone in case I missed a notification. None of these seem like good strategies for listening or for connection.

And connection is the whole point. It is a joy to experience being listened to: when a friend has taken the time to understand, when a pastor values my unique experience, when a therapist attends to my thoughts and emotions.

And though it takes some practice, it is also a joy to listen with curiosity. Not to convince or criticize or even advise. When people go through hard times we worry about what we are supposed to say. But listening frees us from the need to say the “right” thing, as we offer our attention and presence. It’s the heart of connection.

The word religion is rooted in a Latin word meaning “to bind together,” or to connect. Church history has too often focused on the speaking and we have neglected the listening – listening to God, listening to each other, listening with curiosity to those who view the world differently than we do.

It is the need for connection that binds us all together as humans. Perhaps the pandemic has shown us this, and just how hard it is to really listen to each other. But also how much grace can be found when we do.

Rev. Jeff Decelle is Pastor at Unity Lutheran Church

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