Caregiving Corner: When your loved one lives from a distance

By Medicine Hat News on August 10, 2018.

One of the significant changes in our world from a few decades ago is the distance many of us live from our family. As our family members age or face a serious chronic or progressive disease it brings up questions and concerns for family living a distance away. Here are some things you can do to ease the stress of wondering how your loved ones are doing when they don’t live near you.

The first thing to do is find out what is the main goal of the family member who you are concerned about. Ask them how long do they want to live independently and how will you know when is the time for them to move from independent living into the next phase that meets those current needs.

Another consideration is the overall health and safety of the person for whom you are caring. Are they telling you everything about their health and doctor appointments? It can be helpful to have your name on the medical release of information so that you can confirm information when necessary. Are there neighbours or family members who live closer and could stop in to see how they are doing? Other suggestions are: Create a “code of health” and/or “code of care” (guide posts of when the next step will be taken). For example, when to get meals on wheels; which appointments they should have someone with them; when to bring in home care; when to move to the next level of care — seniors housing, long-term care. Who has the power of attorney, personal directives, and advanced care directives?

Some environmental concerns to be aware of include: Do they live in rural or urban community and is it safe for them? How quickly can emergency services reach them? How easily can they access essential resources such as a grocery store, pharmacy, public transportation; is home delivery available or are there neighbours who can help with shopping and getting the essentials?

When health deteriorates it becomes time to consider whether someone will move so that you, the caregiver, can be closer to the ill family member. When this happens some questions to ask are: How do you decide who moves? Will they live with you? Will you move and live with them? Are there other care options and access to respite care to delay having to have anyone move?

When there are many miles between loved ones it can be stressful wondering how they are really doing. The suggestions above will help ease that stress and lead to stronger relationships among family.

Lorna Scott is a caregiver strategist with The Caregiver’s Lighthouse and is the author of the best selling book Walking the Journey Together É Alone. Contact her at Lorna@TheCaregivers Lighthouse.com, (403) 548-8437

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