Mental Health Matters: Coping with loss over the holidays

By Medicine Hat News on December 16, 2017.

As the holiday time approaches many are excited about spending time with friends and family and sharing in the Christmas spirit. Christmas is filled with joy for the season but also the stress of decorating, buying and wrapping gifts and making the perfect Christmas supper. If you have experienced a recent death of someone close to you this time of year can become very difficult, especially for those who have had a recent loss and/or are spending their first Christmas without their loved one.

Although there is no way to relieve all pain associated with your grief, there are things we can do to help us through the holiday season. One approach is planning ahead. With grief often comes less energy for day to day tasks since the grieving process consumes a lot of energy. For this reason, you may want to limit your activities compared to previous years. Many people want to throw themselves into activities to try to avoid their grief but in the end this just results in becoming over extended and the grief resurfacing a times you don’t expect it. Acknowledge your grief and allow yourself to experience all emotions that come up through the season. The only way past grief is through it. Realize it doesn’t have to be the best holiday ever — just get through it! However, don’t forget that just as you give yourself permission to mourn during the season you also need to give yourself permission to experience joy.

You may want to come up with a plan B in case your Christmas celebrations don’t go as planned. You may feel up to giving your regular traditions a try but think ahead about a way to bow out if you need to. If you are the one who normally hosts Christmas supper, maybe have someone else host this year so you can step out if it becomes too overwhelming.

If you are finding it too challenging to continue with tradition, allow yourself to not follow Christmas tradition and do something else. Some people find it helpful to go away during the holiday season, form a new tradition, or skip the season all together. Go out to dinner instead of planning an elaborate meal at home or schedule a trip with friends. Create whatever holiday you want. Decide what is right for you and express that to your friends and family.

Since your loved one who died is still very much a part of your life in love and memory why not try to find a way to honour them at this special time of year. Some ideas include, burning a candle, hanging a special Christmas ornament, bringing flowers to the gravesite, giving a gift to a charity in your loved one’s name, leaving an empty chair at the supper table, or saying a few words of remembrance on the day. These acts will help you remember your loved one as you celebrate the holidays.

When it comes to grief always remember that everyone grieves in their own way, in their own time. What is “normal” for us may be different for someone else. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, it is individual and personal and there is no time limit on grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

For more information please contact me at the number below or to find out more about Canadian Mental Health Association and our programs check out our website at http://www.cmha-aser.ca.

Erin Reeder is the Suicide Prevention Program Coordinator of Canadian Mental Health Association, Alberta Southeast Region and can be reached at 403-504-1811.

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