All Psyched Up: Personality

By Linda Hancock on May 24, 2025.

Imagine each of us is like a huge iceberg. Even though the top part can be seen, there is much more ice below the water!

Our personality is like this. The top part of which we are aware is known as the conscious mind. The part just below the surface from which we can easily access information is the pre-conscious and the part that is deep below the water is the subconscious.

The subconscious, which is unseen, repressed or blocked has ideas about sex, aggression, wishes, and fears that might not be acceptable to the conscious mind. It takes a great deal of energy to block these things! Traumatic and negative memories usually hide in the unconscious, but, like a splinter in a finger, strive to work their way out of the place where they are trapped.

I love being a psychologist as I am a very curious person. Part of my work is to understand the personality – not only how it is formed and changed but also how the hidden subconscious filled with feelings, thoughts, urges and memory drive our behaviours. As a medical professional, I am thrilled to help with and observe how healing occurs. I won’t go into this today as there are so many aspects to resolving issues and releasing pain for optimal health. Instead, let’s spend a little time learning about what is going on in the unconscious.

John Bowby was born in 1907 in London England to an upper-middle-income family. He was raised by a nanny who acted as a mother figure to him and to his five siblings as, according to British culture, the parents left child rearing to staff. When John was four years of age, his primary caregiver Nursemaid Minnie left the family and John later described this as “tragic”.

This and his subsequent time in boarding school, which was very difficult for him, led Bowby into a medical career in which he studied developmental psychology and worked with maladjusted children. His research and career as a psychoanalyst gave us the foundations for understanding what he termed attachment theory.

Here are the basics:

1. Children between 6 and 30 months form emotional attachments with familiar caregivers.

2. When the attachment is good and the child’s emotional needs are met, especially when distressed, they feel secure and safe to explore their world. These children feel comfort and protection, so they function well in life.

3. Those who have insecure attachment because of trauma or neglect in childhood can form different attachment styles:

a) Anxious – fear and worry when a loved one is not near or in communication. These individuals tend to cling to people and can have boundary issues about space.

b) Avoidant – wanting and needing connection but feeling vulnerable and lacking trust because of fear of being hurt or rejected. These people “run” or “retreat” because they don’t know how to handle their feelings or open up even though they desperately want it.

c) Disorganized – emotional dysregulation issues which can be confusing to others as they are “up, down, close, far.” Trust and fear are prominent in their lives and self-protection is an overwhelming priority.

Our childhood is powerful as our personalities are formed when young. The unconscious holds our experiences but also drives our present behaviours usually without us understanding why this is occurring. It isn’t our fault! But it is our responsibility to deal with issues.

What is fascinating is that the conflicts hidden in the unconscious are usually invisible until we get into a relationship and then every problem we have ever had shows up! No wonder we have so many divorces, separations and connection issues.

The good news is that creative expression, healing and personal growth give us more awareness, more energy, improved health and the ability to have improved relationships with self and with others.

This information in this article is presented to stimulate your thinking. Now what you do with it is your choice!

Dr. Linda Hancock, the author of “Life is An Adventure…every step of the way” and “Open for Business Success” is a Registered Psychologist who has a private practice in Calgary. She can be reached by email at office@drlindahancock.com

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