To Your Health: Don’t worry about the expectations of others
By GILLIAN SLADE on December 9, 2019.
gslade@medicinehatnews.com
It has started already — people asking what you have and have not done for Christmas.
Sometimes I feel it is just a conversation filler but for many people it simply adds to their stress when asked if their Christmas lights and decorations are up yet. If not when will they be? What’s on the menu Christmas Day? Have you started or finished shopping for Christmas gifts and how about the wrapping?
It makes me feel a little anxious just writing all of that.
I decided a few years ago that I was no longer going to allow myself to be affected by another person’s expectations especially regarding Christmas.
There is nothing wrong with saying that you choose not to put up lights and that you keep your decorations very simple and do them when you are ready rather than feeling pressured to do so. That does not have to come across in a harsh manner and you may find the person you are speaking with actually finds it refreshing.
Often it is expectations, sometimes our own and sometimes that of others, that affects our mental health.
If you have an image of Christmas in your head of lavish gifts that are beautifully wrapped and the whole family sits around enchanted with each other, you are likely going to be disappointed on Christmas day. The vast majority of families are not like that.
I find it is better to be honest about the challenges you will face. Not all the gifts will be what people wanted. Not everyone will get along and there are bound to be a few tense moments around a lot of people.
It helps to plan some strategies. Think about the effort someone took to buy the gift for you or to make it for you and you can thank them with your whole heart even if you are not totally thrilled with the gift.
If you are in a room full of people and there is obviously some tension between some, it helps to have a few ideas of conversation starters to clear the air. You may want to research some jokes you can tell or heart warming stories to make people’s hearts melt and forget about the annoying things someone else may have said.
Here is one of my favourite stories by the late Pierre Berton who lived in the Yukon as a child. There was only one store with toys on display and one year there was a little model train. Berton and his friend regularly went to admire that little train and no doubt covet it. There did not appear to be any expectation that either of them could realistically hope to receive it as a gift.
Not long before Christmas day the two friends, at Berton’s urging, returned to admire the train again. It was gone. Berton in particular was so disappointed that he would not see it again.
On Christmas day one of his gifts was from his little friend and it was that little model train.
Here’s wishing you a December with less stress and here’s To Your Health.
To Your Health is a weekly column by Gillian Slade, health reporter for the News, bringing you news on health issues and research from around the world. You can reach her at
gslade@medicinehatnews.com or 403-528-8635.
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