Just Pondering: It is OK to cry

By Allyson McCaw on June 23, 2022.

The one human emotion we all experience at least once in our lives is grief. It is one of the most powerful emotions known, and least studied or talked about.

Why is it we run so fast from allowing ourselves to feel grief in its entirety? Why do we think crying, ranting, raving and allowing others to see our vulnerability is so wrong?

Pretty heavy stuff to digest while drinking your morning coffee, isn’t it? As you have probably guessed I have recently experienced a loss in my family. My beloved aunt passed away last week, and I am trying to shift through my feelings.

She was so closely tied to treasured childhood memories and my heart hurts for my cousins who have lost their mom. Was it a life well lived? You bet and I can hear her laughter and saying, “I love you dear, “and my heart is lightened.”

But why do we avoid all the “messiness” surrounding grief and loss? I think it is just that, it is messy. If you ever saw me do a full-out cry it is no Hollywood moment. We get uncomfortable and stumble around trying to find the “right words.” OK, I am going to tell you there are no “right words.”

Touch is 100 times more powerful, and no speech is necessary. When I knew my dad was dying, our son caught me sobbing while folding up cardboard for recycle, (it sneaks up on you at the craziest moments) and he grabbed me and bear hugged me for the longest time.

Of course, I tried to push him away because as a mom I should have been consoling him, right? But no, he held tighter and told me science has proven that it takes 30-40 seconds for endorphins to peak from a hug and we needed to do this longer. One of my most treasured moments, and he was so right.

Of course, there are no rules and no game plan to this fellow called grief.

Also, every culture looks at it in unique ways. That is one thing about travelling – I have seen and admired how folks in Mexico have a holiday to celebrate their grief. The lovely people of Cook Islands will often have beautiful grave sites in their backyards and will enjoy coffee and a sunrise speaking to the ones who have passed. It truly gave me a whole new perspective on the word celebrate.

So, to anyone who is feeling loss and pain right now, I give you a virtual hug. I would ask you to share their name with me and tell me your most treasured memory. They mattered, especially to you.

Remember, God gave us tears for a reason.

Allyson McCaw is a Medicine Hatter

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