Toxicity

By Daniel Schnee on March 30, 2022.

Recently I was asked by someone how masculinity can be toxic: what are the signs of toxicity in a man. Though planning to eventually write about this topic at a later date, events of the past weekend have unfortunately made it essential to discuss now.

As everyone now knows, at the 94th Academy Awards on Sunday presenter Chris Rock cracked a joke about actors Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith that Will took offence to after initially smiling and laughing. Smith immediately got onstage and forcefully slapped Rock in the face, later making obscenity-laced statements from the audience.

Out here in the West we ourselves have a long history of duking it out over such issues: men being men, acting out of a sense of chivalry. So what is wrong with Smith’s actions? Smith committed at least misdemeanour battery, a jailable offence, then later while accepting an award was apologetic, saying “love will make you do crazy things,” hoping the Academy itself would allow him to remain affiliated. He referenced how love will make you act crazily as a husband and father, for the sake of your family.

What Smith did was excuse and normalize criminal violence as a valid product of love: a classic defence used by domestic abusers. Smith did not even apologize to Rock in his speech, implying the victim was at fault. Instead, Smith apologized to the Academy and his peers; those that could most significantly impact his career (another abuser’s characteristic: narcissism).

Accepting this as “love” or “being a man” is extremely unhealthy; toxic in how it can poison and destroy individuals, couples and whole families. Ironically, the three (female) Oscar hosts had even decried such masculinity earlier in the show, and afterwards actress Tiffany Haddish justified Smith’s battery as “standing up for his family.” Event security did not even escort Smith from the building after the attack, instead removing an employee for getting her picture taken with an Oscar statuette (which would seem to be an odd move by an organization which prides itself on its effort to end sexism, in light of Smith’s actions).

Will Smith’s actions send a clear signal: verbally abusing and striking someone without their consent is OK if love is your justification; your feelings can justify assault. If you feel something, you can take it out violently on someone else. Giving Smith a pass, in a sense, also tacitly green lights similar attacks if battery is seen as acceptable on live television at the most famous awards show on the planet. There were certainly no signs of Smith being socially ostracized for his actions. The audience (Hollywood elites who pride themselves on their hyper-vigilance against sexism, racism and so on) even gave Smith a standing ovation upon winning his Oscar, though he committed physical violence earlier.

This is a destructive way of being a human: using aggression, self-centredness and outright battery to move through the world. And if it is allowed to continue without social or legal culpability then something needs to change, immediately. We humans are indeed known for using physical violence in our weaker moments … but love and assault are mutually exclusive.

Dr. Daniel Schnee is a cultural anthropologist and jazz drummer.

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