All Psyched Up: Inner child

By Dr. Linda Hancock on April 26, 2025.

I have taken so many courses about trauma that my resume has increased and increased drastically. During the past few weeks, however I have learned a lot of things about trauma at a personal level and wanted to share with you.

First of all, think about what you might say to a four-year-old who is afraid of a thunderstorm. I am sure that you wouldn’t state: “This is horrible! Lightning will strike the house, and we are all going to die.” Of course not. Instead we would be gentle and give soothing words to calm the child or distract him.

We might say, “It’s OK. The rain will make our flowers grow. We are safe and I am with you.”

When my children were small, I would actually move the couch in front of the picture window, and we would make a game of counting the lightning bolts. It was fun!

Each of us has an inner child but often we forget that. There are times we have had trauma from our past that we don’t even know exists. Our adult bodies cause us to ignore things from our youth and just try to push down any negative thoughts or experiences. Unfortunately, they are not easily repressed and, unless healed, they can continue to drive our actions.

I am known as a very independent person who works hard and tends to spend a lot of time alone. There have been several times in my life when silence from another person would trigger me into sadness or an urge to try harder and reach out, but I didn’t understand why until recently.

The next story that I tell you is not to lay blame on anyone or disparage them. I am going to be vulnerable with you so please be patient.

When I was four years of age, we lived in a small village in southern Saskatchewan. Our family was very poor and when I needed to have my tonsils removed, we had to go to the next town as it had the closest hospital. In those days, hospitalization was six days for tonsillectomy. My parents packed six comic books for me to read – one for each day. I really don’t remember my parents coming to see me. They likely did but my memory fails me concerning this.

I remember waking up in the night in a strange hospital ward with several raised beds each of which had a metal frame. I was the only one in the room and was lonely. I got out of bed and searched for someone to comfort me but couldn’t even find a nurse. So, like a good four-year-old I just climbed back to bed and went to sleep. Now that I think back, this was a really difficult, scary and lonely experience for a four-year-old, but I had never really thought about how this had shaped my behaviours over the following years.

After some serious introspection, I have now realized that whenever there is silence from people who I care about, I tend to get triggered. I didn’t know that I began forming a pattern of abandonment that resulted in me either trying harder than the silent person to make connections or just ignore the world and independently work harder at all my projects.

Now that I can think back to this childhood experience, I realize that my independence might not be based on a healthy experience and that triggered anxiety when ignored does not always serve me or my relationship.

We are human! Life happens to us! I strongly believe that every single person on earth has had at least one very serious hurt or trauma from the past. Pushing these down, ignoring them and not allowing healing to occur, doesn’t resolve anything. In fact, dysfunctional patterns can begin and drive our future in a negative manner.

No one likes to think about pain, but this week try to identify patterns in your life that are not necessarily helping you or those around you. Can you figure out when these patterns started? Are you willing to do the “shadow work” that will help you to heal and make healthier choices?

Tough questions but positive rewards for those who are brave and determined!

I will be thinking about all of you this week as you start this challenging assignment!

Chin up!

Dr. Linda Hancock, the author of “Life is An Adventure…every step of the way” and “Open for Business Success” is a Registered Psychologist who has a private practice in Calgary. She can be reached by email at office@drlindahancock.com

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