Presenter offers lessons in ‘shmealing’

By Theodora MacLeod - Lethbridge Herald Local Journalism Initiative Reporter on August 9, 2023.

Behind every discontent or unwell person, is an onion’s worth of layers of shame and guilt. At least according to Sarah Lajeunesse, a Lethbridge native and—in her words— “shmealer” (shame-healer) who has presented to audiences all over the world and helped people from all walks of life.
A former marketing professional, she worked with sports teams until being forced to face her struggles with anxiety.
Lajeunesse now specializes in helping people address their shame and guilt, much of which is generational. She says most of her clients reach out to her during the “four Ds”- divorce, disease, death, and depression, often working with people at their lowest points.
While her message and coaching is meant for everyone, Lajeunesse tends to focus on women, emphasizing self-esteem building.
As women often take on roles of service, putting the needs of others ahead of their own, there is a complex relationship to their sense of self-worth. In the pursuit of an internal sense of “enough-ness,” many women will try to mold themselves into who they believe they should be, grasping at an external sense of value in the hopes of creating internal meaning.
Often, the shame is linked with physical appearance and worthiness. Within all this also exists a complicated web of generational shame that is passed down both within the family and society.
“The journey I support women through is voice, choice, healing, and protection. You need to go in that order. Without voice, women don’t have choices,” she explains.
For men, the demands can be quite different, but the prevalence is all the same. Lajeunesse explains that men’s shame and guilt tend to be more rooted in performance. She adds that men aren’t generally given space to discuss their challenges with shame and guilt the same way women might be, which further compounds the issue.
“We don’t even realize just how deeply the hooks of guilt and shame can be in our life, that can prevent us from the very things we want to do,” she says of both men’s and women’s shame, seeing it as a major roadblock to success.
Though the essence of Lajeunesse’s work encourages compassion and understanding, especially to oneself, she also emphasizes self-responsibility and accountability as a form of empowerment.
“No one is going to care more about children and teens end up later on in their life than the mothers,” she says.
“It’s a bit of a call to arms to take responsibility for your own healing, your own development of self-esteem, and bring your daughter along on that journey too, or your son.”
A key component of the work is about recognizing the impact one’s shame can have on others, thereby aiming to stop the spiral of generational trauma. Through internal healing, there is the hope of stopping the cycle.
In the last eight years of her career, Lajeunesse has seen an increase in rates of depression and anxiety, especially among teens which she associates with youth lacking safety and security.
“I feel like we’re moving into a leaderless generation.” “When a parent doesn’t have a strong sense of their own sense of self-esteem, it is very hard to model self-esteem and leadership to our children.”
“We are barely even scratching the surface of a greater and richer life that’s possible, we’re making anxiety, we’re making pain, we’re making suffering and depression the new normal.”
She adds that it is impossible for anyone to even scratch the surface of their potential or capabilities when their energy is going towards shame and explains the increase in creativity many women experience when reclaiming their voice.
“Regardless of what is happening in the world, it is our responsibility to not only foster that in ourselves, but teens and kids need more help than ever in terms of developing a deeper sense of identity and self-worth.”
Lajeunesse is hosting a talk called “Discover the Hidden Role of Shame (from the boardroom to the bedroom)” Tuesday, Aug. 15 from 6 – 7 p.m. at Restore Wellness Center in Lethbridge. For more information visit: http://www.sarahlajeunesse.com/speaking

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