Let’s Chat: What does Donald want?

By Linda Tooth on January 7, 2025.

I am trying to figure out why Donald is so keen to make Canada the 51st state of the United States, and all it took was a T-shirt I found in Canmore to help me solve the puzzle. The title on the shirt is “Canada, An Infographic.”

An infographic is a visual representation of information. This visual representation is a map of Canada with each province and territory noted for what they are famous for.

I’m starting west and moving east. Here we go. British Columbia is noted for trees, mountains, marijuana, rain, snobs, old people, all the people who could afford to leave Ontario and hippies. I do not think Donald needs any of these things.

Next is the Yukon. They are known for cold temperatures and sharing a border with Alaska. Maybe he wants Alaska to be closer. The Northwest Territories are known for igloos, mukluks and moose.

Here is where it gets interesting. Alberta is noted for oil, cowboys, bibles and rich people. He wants our oil, and bibles to help support the Republican cause, and more rich people to help the U.S.

Saskatchewan is known for being the flat part in the middle of Canada and farms. I do not think Donald is interested in that.

Nunavut is known for diamonds, polar bears and Big Foot. Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

Next, we move to Manitoba. It is known for being too cold in the winter and too hot in the summer. According to my T-shirt, it is boring and has lots of black flies. It also says you might as well live in Ontario.

Next up is the Centre of the Universe, Ontario. This province is known for terrible politicians, hockey teams and smog. Maybe Donald is a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs? I always thought their fans were a bit off-kilter.

What my shirt does not mention is that Ontario is known for electricity. If you follow the news you will know that Premier Doug Ford is threatening to cut off power to Michigan, Wisconsin and New York if Donald imposes heavy tariffs on Canada.

To quote Doug Ford, ” I don’t want this to happen, but my number one job is to protect Ontario, Ontarians, and Canadians as a whole since we’re the largest province,” Ford said. That is why they are known as the Centre of the Universe.

Next up is Quebec. They are known for maple syrup (maybe Donald likes that on his pancakes), where French people live, poutine, and protestors who protest everything. Donald could use a few more of them.

Newfoundland and Labrador – also known as New Ireland – Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, and Prince Edward Island are all known for people who talk funny. Nothing about their fabulous seafood is mentioned on this tee shirt. That is a shame.

What is it he wants? We are the second largest country in area with a military base in our backyard sitting empty at 2,700 kms in size. That works out to twice the size of New York City.

Maybe he wants our vacant military base for training, and our oil, diamonds and electricity from Ontario.

I have figured it out.

Have a Meowtastic Day and keep reading!

Linda Tooth is a part-time communications instructor at Medicine Hat College

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