Let’s Chat: Grieving is a process

By Linda Tooth on December 11, 2024.

I was having a conversation recently with someone who said her mom was struggling with grief after the loss of her child. That got me thinking about grief and how we handle or do not handle it.

Add trying to process grief with the upcoming Holiday Season and, unfortunately, we have a time where people are overwhelmed with grief and do not know what to do.

I want to look at grief from the perspective of men and how they deal with the roller coaster of emotions that grief will bring on. According to men& (menand.ca), grief happens when we lose something or someone we love. That can be a person, job, marriage, health and even a pet.

There is no recipe to follow on how grief will play out. It can be very messy and unpredictable, and the journey of grief will be all our own.

I have always thought ‘time heals all wounds’, but as I age I know that is not the case. It may lessen the sadness and pain you feel, but no one can guarantee that. Things will become your ‘new normal’ without that person, job, marriage, health, or pet in your life, and that is OK.

We cannot close our grief. Andrew Gustainis says the only way to do that is to “erase all memories we’ve ever had of our loved one(s).” I would not want to erase all the happy times I have had with people I have lost, and I do not think men would want to either.

When I dug a little deeper into Gustainis’s articles, he gave suggestions on 10 things to do this Holiday Season. I want to share them. They are:

– No rules – This Holiday Season will be different than years past. You need to be flexible.

– Preparation – Holidays and traditions, plan what you are comfortable doing.

– Allow – Do not feel guilty about mixed emotions. Allow yourself to feel those emotions moment to moment.

– Remember – Try not to judge. Focus on accepting and accommodating the differences of people around you.

– Children – It can be a confusing time for children and the emotions they face. Allow and encourage them to share their feelings. Be prepared for unpredictable behaviours.

– Ask for help – If you feel overwhelmed, ask for help.

– Boundaries – Be selective with yourself and where you are this Holiday Season. It can be an exhausting time.

– Memories – Look for ways to honour and celebrate those you have lost. Maybe it is time for a new family tradition.

– Self-care – Go for a walk, read, journal, listen to music, or try yoga. These are great self-care ideas

– Compassion – Be kind to yourself. Accept you are human and care for yourself.

Have a Meowtastic Day, and keep reading!

Linda Tooth is the positive culture co-ordinator at Sanare Centre

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