Hatter Valerie Fraser is one of eight women featured in the book From the Ashes; She is Ignited. - PHOTO COURTESY DELMAR PHOTOGRAPHY
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Hatter Valerie Fraser is sharing her experiences with infertility, in vitro fertilization and adoption in a newly released book, with the hopes it will provide strength and reassurance to others facing similar situations.
Fraser is one of eight women featured in the book From the Ashes; She is Ignited, which launched May 18. The book is a collection of stories which focus on moments of resiliency in the face of hardship.
Through her chapter of the book, Fraser takes the reader along with her as she reflects on her and her husband’s struggles to conceive, her infertility diagnosis, choosing to undergo IVF treatments and all they entail. She also describes the physical and emotional toll it took on her body and her feelings of shame and worthlessness when the IVF treatments failed.
The reader follows Fraser as she recounts her struggle to move forward, as well as her and her husband’s eventual decision to adopt. Fraser discusses the many ups and downs which accompany the adoption process, and the joy felt when the couple were finally paired with their daughter.
“The whole process was emotionally and physically draining,” Fraser told the News. “I did go down a path of mental health challenges and I let myself physically go. Together with the help of my husband, I did get help dealing with some of the challenges I had gone through and I decided to take control of my health, both mentally and physically. And to this day, I don’t regret one single moment of it; the good, the bad, the ugly – everything. Because we have our daughter.”
While Fraser admits sharing her story was deeply personal, she also found it to be cathartic and empowering. Before the book’s publication, Fraser had shared very little of her infertility, IVF and adoption journey with individuals outside her immediate circle.
“In society, it’s shameful if you can’t have children naturally,” Fraser said. “The secrecy behind IVF and adoption is way more open than it used to be, but for other women and other couples experiencing this, I want them to know there’s no shame in it. We all have different journeys. And this was my journey. And this was my daughter’s journey. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Fraser hopes her story will not only help eliminate stigma surrounding infertility, IVF and adoption, but also provide readers with more information about each topic.
“I wished, as I was going through it, I had somebody on my side saying, ‘OK this drug – whatever drug it was I was taking for my IVF – this is what you’re going to experience,'” she said. “That’s why I wanted to be really open.
“It was very scary, putting it out there (but) it’s been a long time coming. By nature, I’m a very private person but I just felt this was really important. And since I started talking about it, I’ve heard so many women say to me, ‘Oh my God, I went through IVF.’ ‘We went through infertility.’ And, to me, it’s an honour they share that with me, because it is so private.”
While Fraser is the author, she said input from her husband and daughter was equally important in her telling of the story.
“It’s not just about me; it’s about my husband, it’s about my daughter. I did talk to my daughter and said, ‘This is what I plan on doing; are you OK with that?’ And she’s like, ‘Yeah, I’m OK with it,” said Fraser. “And my husband said, ‘If that’s what you want to do, I’m all for it.'”
Fraser, a former journalist turned financial literacy educator, has received positive feedback since the book’s release, from readers locally and around the world.
“It did ignite a spark in me I think was snuffed out for a while,” she said. “I do have plans to do more writing. What that looks like, I haven’t solidified yet.”
From the Ashes; She is Ignited is available for purchase online at https://tinyurl.com/46hfw6jv.
