Training Matters: Controlling emotion can help set you up for success on and off the field

By Courtney Marchesin on November 15, 2019.

This article is not here to talk about whether or not I agree or disagree with what he said, but I feel that Don Cherry’s words and termination this week highlight an important fact.

You’re probably aware about his comments regarding poppies and the fallout regarding immigrants. There’s no need to repeat it here. What I want you to take away from this article is the importance of what you say and who is listening.

You may be reading this as a coach, a leader on a team, or as a player. Regardless of who you are, there are people watching you. Athletes looking up to you to guide them to success, teammates looking to their captain for motivation, or other players on your own team or another that admire you as a player.

What you do and say will not go unnoticed. Sure, you’re not going to lose your job as a major broadcaster, but your words and actions will always have an impact.

One of my favourite quotes comes from Maya Angelou: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” You may say something in the heat of the moment, and although someone watching may not remember the exact words you used, they will never forget how that made them feel.

There has been lots of discussion circulating that people believe nothing inappropriate was said and that people are just too sensitive and easily offended these days. The reality is, this is the world we live in now. It is possible for us to choose our words more wisely. Controlling emotions and outbursts can be done, but like all things, must be trained.

When we’re thinking about our own self-talk, we don’t have to tell people what kinds of things we’re saying to ourselves in our heads. Nobody knows if you’re saying positive or negative things if they’re all in your head. However, when you open your mouth, all of that changes. People hear the words, the tone, and the message. If that is hurtful, it could have a lasting impact. It’s not to say you can’t feel passionately about something. Controlling your emotions while you feel that passion though, can save you from saying something in the heat of the moment that you might regret later.

Easier said than done, right? So how do you do it. You must practice. Practice what you feel, what sets you off, what gets you worked up, and how you’ll respond. It may be that you say nothing and take a breather. This gives you the chance to settlement rationalize, and choose your words. Maybe you practice asking for clarification, as to not speak out when you don’t fully understand the situation. Whatever you choose to do, you must practice it. If you can’t do it while calm and practising, I guarantee you you will not be able to control your words when you’re fired up in the moment.

It is not a matter of changing your opinion. You’re encouraged to have your own thoughts. Choosing the most appropriate words to represent yourself as professionally as you can, regardless of who you are, will ensure that you are taken seriously, be respected, and also remain respectful. Moving forward this will maintain that you are someone who is continually looked up to and admired for your hard work, your attitude, and your ability to control your emotions when it could have been easier to lash out. In helping you practice your emotional control, just remind yourself of who is watching you.

Courtney Marchesin, MA, sport psychology consultant, is the mental skills coach for the Alberta Sport Development Centre-Southeast. She can be contacted at courtneymarchesin@gmail.com.